New Zealand Cricket's latest drinking scandal

In an exclusive report, Pundit can reveal the true cause of the New Zealand cricket team's bizarre second innings collapse in the first test against India.

New Zealand Cricket has confirmed it is investigating the involvement of the entire Black Caps team in a "neknominate" drinking session. The incident is alleged to have taken place during the innings break following the completion of the Indian team's first innings in the Auckland test match.

While admitting that no-one in the team management had witnessed the players drinking, New Zealand Cricket spokesperson Tim O'Donnell said that there was strong circumstantial evidence that it had occured.

"I mean, the team scores over 500, then comes out again on a third day track that is flat as a pancake and struggled to make three figures", he said. "Just what do you think was going on in the dressing room?"

O'Donnell singled out the dismissal of captain Brendon McCullum as particularly suspicious.

"He walks out to bat with his team at 11/3, edges his second ball to slip and survives only because the fielder is hopeless, then three balls later runs himself out going for a second run against India's best fielder. Are you going to tell me those were the actions of a sober man?"

A source close to the players has confirmed to Pundit that the team management's concerns have substance.

"The boys came back in after getting Shami and first thing they did was check their phones. Dougie and Jesse had sent Muzzy and Stiffy videos from their session on Thursday, neknominating them to down a pint of voddy."

"When the rest of the boys saw this, they reckoned it would be funny to see how they'd go at the crease while pissed. So one thing led to another, and next thing you know ... carnage."

Team management confirmed that special precautions were taken overnight to ensure that the players would be able to perform at their peak on the fourth day.

"We're just a bit worried about Trent and Neil, to be honest," O'Donnell explained. "They've been asking lots of questions in the wake of Philip Seymour Hoffman's death, saying things like 'what do you reckon heroin's like?', and 'maybe it would be worth it for the rush.'"

"The last thing we need is for a couple of our pace bowlers to start off the day high as kites on smack."


[Updated: And nothing silences snarkiness like success - congratulations to the New Zealand team on a great victory.]